Picture perfect: Photos you pose for with your partner gives away vital clues
What’s a good way to predict relationship trouble? By looking at photos of a couple, says noted relationship and sex expert Tracey Cox, in a new column. She points out that in this digital age, we’re taking more images of ourselves (and our partners) than ever before, especially selfies, and these can be a rich source of information about the closeness (or lack thereof) a couple shares. While the medium may be new, the idea itself isn’t — she’s simply asking couples to study their body language towards each other, as seen in these pictures. And these non-verbal cues are a dead giveaway — even if the both of you are maintaining a good front about all being well — if there’s frost creeping into a relationship, anger/resentment or simply boredom. So, what should you be looking for?
The good signs
Look through your photos on your computer and cellphone and check: How close to each other do the two of you sit/pose? How much of your body is in contact with your partner’s? Are you making eye contact or looking away from each other? Tracey says if your partner chooses to sit right next to you in a photo, maintains eye contact, and tends to touch his/her forehead to yours before kissing or hugging you, these can all be interpreted as signs that you have a healthy, nurturing relationship. She also recommends studying how much of your body is in contact when you hug or greet each other: If your upper torsos are flush against each other, it’s a very good sign. If your bodies are touching all the way down to the pelvis, even better. It’s a sign that the intimacy in your relationship is alive and kicking!
The bad signs
Hmm, so now what are the not-so-great indicators that your photos with your partner may give away? First up, is their body language “closed”? What this means is does he/she put up “barriers” between the two of you? This could take the form of crossed arms (or legs) leaning away from you (rather than towards you), holding a bag/some other object between you both? These are telling indications that there’s some stuff you need to work through. Other body language cues you might want to examine include — how do they hug/kiss you? A quick lean-in or a full-on snuggle? Also, is physical contact between the two of you minimal, except when it comes to sex? Does he/she stand far away from you instead of close?
How do you do it?
As Tracey points out, social media has made scanning photos of ourselves and our family, friends, etc; very easy. With something like Facebook, you have the advantage of being able to look through your pictures chronologically. Scroll through them carefully. Do you see your body language and that of your partner’s changing over time? Did you start off as more open towards each other and slowly start giving off more “closed” non-verbal cues (or vice versa)? When did this change start creeping in? Has the affection you’ve displayed towards each other remained constant, according to the camera? Tracey advises collecting images that might represent each six-month period in your relationship and then analysing them for how the two of you sit, stand, walk together or kiss/hug. Your facial expressions also need to be paid attention to. If you manage to find a particular time frame for when there is a change evident in your body language, then it’s even more helpful.
How this helps
Very often, we “put a good face” on our troubles and pretend that we’re fine in our lives, our relationships. Often, you’re afraid or feel too vulnerable to bring up your unhappiness in a relationship with your partner. At other times, you don’t even know that something is wrong, just that you don’t feel the way you did before. But the cues from these photos of you aren’t hidden — they’re right in front of you. Ignoring them is harder, and if what you’ve felt has been at a mostly subconscious level, then the technique actually brings them into your consciousness. Tracey suggests that once you’ve done the exercise of looking at your images chronologically, analysing them, and finding a time frame that shows when your relationship began to break down (or if you’re lucky, began to evolve for the better), then you should sit down with your partner and discuss what you’ve found with him/her. Go through the photos together, talk about what you perceive as the problem areas, and find a way to get back to being the couple in the images you truly love.
